lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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