I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
