Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
