just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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