I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
