Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
