I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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