is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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