laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
