I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
