she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
