If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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