just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
