I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
