dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
