i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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