I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
