my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
