I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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