I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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