I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I believe in your delicious
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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