so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
is it fun? or sober?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
