You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
