I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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