the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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