but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
