I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
