o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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