just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
