Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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