i think i have herpe
just one?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
