Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Alive.
So much puke
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
