I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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