Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
