Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
