he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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