it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
