The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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