He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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