I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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