my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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