Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
