Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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