i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Vodka?
Forever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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