I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
