you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
