Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
