I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Randomize
