i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
