Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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