I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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