Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
