Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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