Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Congratulations! We have a period
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
